Uphill

my is heart pumping furiously. i hear the tempo of its beats rise steadily in my ears. like someone is pounding huge drums in my chest.
the asphalt appears to be swaying as it travels backwards, it's dark surface is slick with the light rain and is obscured periodically by my white sneakers. i look up and my eyes blink automatically to avoid the raindrops. i am running away from civilization... lamp posts and city blocks long left behind are replaced by trees and fences. cars glide past slowly, their wiper blades dancing synchronously across the windshield, their red tail lights and orange turn signals glowing brilliantly under the misty gloom. the tires raise even finer mist and leave tire tracks in their wake, which promptly dissolve into the black inkiness as rain water lays its blanket over the tarmac.
the road narrows and winds up through the forest. rain falls steadily over the canopy, generating a constant static - like someone turned on the TV, but there was no broadcast. unlike the electronic version though, this seems pleasant in the otherwise serene surrounding. water trickles down my brows and percolates through my saturated clothes. i look down to see the wet fabric clinging to my body like second skin. if i'm breaking a sweat, it's not discernible. the road is now narrower, deserted. the cars are few and far between, and have to cross over the painted separators to pass me. daylight dwindles. crickets start their incessant chatter - like overhead high-voltage electric wires. acorns fall generously, noisily and scatter off among the dense vegetation.  i get off the road when 2 cars cross nearby, and i feel the malleable mulch and the lush grass crush softly from underneath the thick sneaker soles, as if i were running barefeet. unwillingly, i get back on the tarmac which now feels harder than ever.
my pace is steadier now. every stride jolts my body into awakening... i can feel my calfs, my thighs, the pit of my stomach, like i have never felt before. i feel the crisp, fresh air circulate within my lungs and my heart pumping rich, oxygenated blood through my veins. i feel i was born to run - to gently caress the soft earth beneath my toes and let the cool breeze do the same to my face.  dear mother, forever caring, giving; i can never thank you enough. why? why do you care so much for a spoilt, greedy brat, who will destroy your gifts and then throw tantrums? answers elude me, comprehension fails me, but i keep running.
the incline is steeper now. my pace slows. my steps are less and less further apart. my breathing is heavy, deep. my mouth opens to take in more, but the lungs are filled to capacity. almost on the verge of exploding. my mouth is dry, throat parched. i wipe off water from my face as a dull ache begins to make its presence felt somewhere in my guts. each step is an effort. my feet are lead, and the road is a powerful magnet, resisting any attempt to separate the contact. my insides feel like they're on fire. every nerve and sinew has started screaming for attention. "stop, i can't take it". but i ignore the voices. how can i give up? i haven't reached the top yet.
as if on cue, one of my shoelaces comes undone. is this a test? i keep going. the laces turn into wicks, soaking water from the rivulets and thrashing voilently against my ankles, spraying excess water. i am mildly amused for a brief instant. then a strange thing happens - suddenly, i don't feel exhausted anymore. the pain, if it existed, is gone now. it's a miracle - i feel rejuvenated. it's like i've attained escape velocity - freed from the shackles of my feeble mind. i could go on running for miles. the struggle is over.
i reach the top effortlessly and stop. there is no point in going on. i know i can, if i want to. my insides feel like ember. however, the skin is cold to the touch. i feel like there's steam rising from my arms, like it does for horses that have finished a race. obviously, there is none. i turn and start jogging - i'm a long way from home.
the return journey always seems faster somehow. as i near the base of the hill, i cross another solitary runner who is just starting the climb. i smile and give a thumbs-up for the uphill battle.

Your Attention Please

i used to blog frequently. until twitter came along. now, i micro-blog. it is too easy. and i don’t have to spend time to think.

the world is getting faster and more concise with each passing day, hour and minute. Instant gratification is not merely relished, it’s demanded. Writing this a few years ago would have taken up all my concentration. Today, my mind somersaults through a plethora of activities, a dozen times a minute as i ‘Alt-Tab’ my way through the open windows before i manage to complete one sentence. my attention span has been reduced to that of a gnat. Does all this context switching affect my writing? maybe. for better or worse? can’t say. i know for a fact that my writing is certainly different when i write the old-fashioned way, than when i type.

i feel restless if i don’t click on the ‘You have a new mail’ alert, the moment it pops up. or if the hourglass pointer shows up for more than a few seconds. my irritation is demonstrated as violently shake the mouse as if doing that would somehow cause it to go away. one word: ADD.

the disorder seems contagious. ppl are always on the edge and are loosing it at the drop of a hat. they can’t sit still for more than a few minutes…unless they’re watching TV, in case of which, they can stare at it for hours without moving a muscle (well, except the thumb to switch channels). which brings us to another important observation: ppl (including me) are becoming lazier. most would choose activities like sleeping, watching TV and thinking in decreasing order of priority, given a choice. working out doesn’t even make the list anymore. reading books? forget it… takes too much time and efforts. and who reads books anyways? kindle? sure, just can’t seem to focus on reading one, when the news feeds are updated every other minute. i gotta stay updated on the latest celebrity gossip, you know? it’s pretty popular at the water cooler.

everyone always has had a choice. except, now the choice has gone from choosing between reading one or other to choosing whether to read or zone out. the scary part is, in most of the cases today, it’s the latter that gets chosen.

are we all becoming so poor that we can’t even pay attention?

or is it the other way round? in today’s attention economy, my attention span became one of the most coveted commodity as everyone tried really hard to get my attention. pretty soon, they were all shouting at the top of their lungs clamoring to get my attention. initially, i ignored them. over time, i turned deaf.

next on the list is finding some techniques to combat the impulses my brain so that i can …hey, it’s Friday! wonder what the weather is like over the weekend.

Quotable Quotes From LOTR

Some of my favorite quotes from The Lord of the Rings (J.R.R Tolkien) that i had painstakingly noted down while i was reading the series...

On Life:

"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends."

-Gandalf to Frodo

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

-Bilbo's birthday speech.

"We live now upon an island amid many perils, and our hands are more often upon the bowstring than upon the harp."

-Haldir to Company in Lothlorien

"...and here my heart dwells ever, unless there be a light beyond the dark roads that we still must tread"

-Aragorn to Frodo.

"'Despair, or folly?' said Gandalf. 'It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not. It is wisdom to recognize necessity, when all other courses have been weighed, though as folly it may appear to those who cling to false hope."

-Gandalf at the Counsel of Elrond.

---------

...and to them Mordor had been from childhood a name of evil, and yet unreal, a legend that had no part in their simple life; and now they walked like men in a hideous dream made true, and they understood not this war nor why fate should lead them to such a pass.

---------

He laid his hand upon the tree beside the ladder: never before had he been so suddenly and so keenly aware of the feel and texture of a tree's skin and of the life within it. He felt a delight in wood and the touch of it, neither as forester nor as carpenter; it was the delight of the living tree itself.

---------

On the World:

"The wide world is all about you: you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot for ever fence it out."

-Gildor to Frodo

'I have never been out of my own land before. And if I had known what the world outside was like, I don't think I should have had the heart to leave it.'

-Merry to Haldir.

"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater."

-Haldir to Merry.

"I do not believe that the world about us will ever again be as it was of old, or the light of the Sun as it was aforetime."

-Merry to Haldir

...it is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.

-Gandalf to Imrahil

---------

On Elrond:

"The face of Elrond was ageless, neither old nor young, though in it was written the memory of many things both glad and sorrowful. His hair was dark as the shadows of twilight, and upon it was set a circlet of silver; his eyes were grey as a clear evening, and in them was a light like the light of stars. Venerable he seemed as a king crowned with many winters, and yet hale as a tried warrior in the fulness of his strength."

---------
On Galadriel:

Young she was and yet not so. The braids of her dark hair were touched by no frost, her white arms and clear face were flawless and smooth, and the light of stars was in her bright eyes, grey as a cloudless night; yet queenly she looked, and thought and knowledge were in her glance, as of one who has known many things that the years bring. Above her brow her head was covered with a cap of silver lace netted with small gems, glittering white; but her soft grey raiment had no ornament save a girdle of leaves wrought in silver.

---------

On Lórien:

It seemed to him that he had stepped through a high window that looked on a vanished world. A light was upon it for which his language had no name. All that he saw was shapely, but the shapes seemed at once clear cut, as if they had been first conceived and drawn at the uncovering of his eyes, and ancient as if they had endured for ever. He saw no colour but those he knew, gold and white and blue and green, but they were fresh and poignant, as if he had at that moment first perceived them and made for them names new and wonderful. In winter here no heart could mourn for summer or for spring. No blemish or sickness or deformity could be seen in anything that grew upon the earth. On the land of Lórien there was no stain.

---------

On Man:

"..such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.'

-Elrond at the Counsel

and my favorite...

"It is ever so with the things that Men begin: there is a frost in Spring, or a blight in Summer, and they fail of their promise."
"Yet seldom do they fail of their seed," said Legolas. "And that will lie in the dust and rot to spring up again in times and places unlooked-for. The deeds of Men will outlast us, Gimli."
"And yet come to naught in the end but might-have-beens, I guess," said the Dwarf.

Poison Pill

When was the last time you took some medicine pills that you were actually looking forward to popping into your mouth?
not in quite some time, if you're like me.
Problem is, the pills aren't exactly user friendly (for lack of good vocab.).
i mean, while hundreds of billions of units of currency worldwide have gone into these pharma companies for R&D and what not, why can't their brilliant scientists try and make the misery inducing tablets more enticing to the unwell? Oh, and don't confuse this with the sugar-coated pills or capsules. These shouldn't lose their initial taste once the coating dissolves, thank you very much.
And while they're at it, why not offer a choice of flavours? Novocain that tastes like vanilla rather than nitrous oxide or pain relievers in Jolly Rancher assortments? or cough tablets like hard candy.
Wait. cough drops come that way already.
but i guess you get the drift. this isn't too much to ask now, is it? So why, then, are they not doing it?

Well, i haven't really thought too deep on it, but primarily, if the pills were too candy-like, we'd all be popping them like, erm, candy. while the uninitiated may argue that the pharma companies would prosper that way, a longer term outlook would suggest otherwise.
and they wouldn't like to get sued by ppl getting OD'ed or those long term effects start becoming common place. (as the tobacco companies found out few years ago).

whaddya say?

A Life Less Ordinary

It is the middle of Spring and one of the glorious days of abundant Sunlight and intermittent breeze.
i sit outdoors sprawled on a beach chair on our front porch, listening to a multitude of melodious bird calls and watching puffs of clouds sail by, slowly and silently.
The same wind that drives the clouds noiselessly above, softly rustles the new, green leaves, and the branches wave as if they're happy to get some movement in their otherwise staid existence.
Small birds dive through the dense branches most possibly looking for food, while squirrels jump around and scamper up and down tree trunks seemingly implying they don't have time to hang around.
Water seeps through the soil and trickles down from huge boulders, a drop at a time. Every drop hesitating for a fraction of a second before finally taking the plunge from the edge of its diving board to meet Mother Earth below. Light briefly glints off them in that pause, and goes off. Like fireflies glowing on and off at regular intervals.
Creepers hang from the rocks, snaking across the flat surfaces and moss clumps provide colour to the gray and black background. Some small plants find their way through the rocky crevices and protrude out seeking the Sun.
The scent of the forest - grass, trees, an Earth - gently wafts through the surrounding like incense.
The slow drone of an aircraft somewhere above makes me look for it. It is not hard to locate. The vapour trails streaking across the skies effortlessly lead me to it. The trails stretch for some distance like slashes of light cut through the blue expanse; curling and evaporating into nothingness at the tail end as the aircraft blazes across - as if trying to get away from the very sound it is making.

Mind wanders. Thoughts criss-cross; present, past, future, as i lay still in the placid moment. Why is it so hard to let go? don't i want to?
is it this restlessness of the mind that has brought Mankind to this state? always wanting, always yearning for more, overlooking what it has been bestowed. always brooding, always contemplating.
i close my eyes, trying not to think. only trying. songs play in my mind, and i resist my music player.

time passes, as ever. i try and relish the moments. it does not last. (does it ever?)

The wind falls. Overhead, the clouds begin to gather and Sunlight pales, signalling the inevitable.
i wait till the first of the raindrops crash on my skin and shattering into even tinier droplets that latch on to the surface forming fragile miniature domes... only to dissolve into others to form a rivulet and slide off to the side.

like a fool, i get up and head indoors into shelter.

Save The Turtles

A few days ago, i got an email from one of my friends. it went something like this:

...just written to Ratan Tata asking him not to go ahead with building a port in Dhamra, Orissa, dangerously close to one of the world's largest sea turtle nesting grounds for the Olive Ridley Sea Turtles ... can't bring about that change alone. I need help from lots of people ...
Thanks a million ...

with a link to the site (that you can go to by clicking on the title).

so, if you want to feel proud, you can go ahead and enter your name and email (they say it won't be spammed) and if everything goes as planned, we can hope that all will be well with the world (the turtles', at least).

What you get out of it? Well, you can sleep sound, thinking that you have done your bit for the environment and carry on living your lives as usual.

OR, if that got you started, you could join Greenpeace and do more than your share for the environment.

Not that those are the only choices. You could get some tips from here while you are at it.

That's about it.
(For starters, here is a simple green tip from yours truly: if you carry a kerchief with you for wiping your hands and runny noses, you could save that paper towel or that electricity for the blow dryer.)

Waiting for Godot

Of the time i have been allocated on this planet, most is spent waiting.

Here is a typical day:

• waiting for the car to warm up
  
• waiting for traffic signals
• waiting in traffic
  
• waiting for public transport
• waiting for the public transport to reach destination
• waiting for the elevators
• waiting for the machine to boot
  
• waiting for reply to emails
• waiting for programs to build & compile
• waiting for webpages to load
  
• waiting for the other party to answer the phone
  
• waiting for the microwave to warm up food
• waiting for my turn in the queue at the shop counter
  
• waiting for the coffee machine to brew
• waiting for the time to go back home
  
• waiting for a gap in vehicles to cross the road
• waiting for someone to open the fron door
  
• waiting for the tap to dispense hot water
• waiting for food to cook
• waiting for hot food to cool down before storing it in the refrigerator
  
• waiting for time to pass after dinner so that i can sleep
• waiting for Lord Hypnos to bless me
• ...

and so it goes (the time, i mean).

If i take a wider view, there are other, err ... events, for lack of a better word (my vocab sux), that i am waiting for.

• waiting for the paycheck
• waiting for the project to end
• waiting for interview calls
• waiting for a good job offer
  
• waiting for new project to begin
• waiting for some windfall to get latest gadgets
  

Even wider view,

• waiting for 'someone special'
• waiting for a life i'll spend doing things my way
• waiting for the bank balance to get to 'comfortable' levels
  
• waiting for a peaceful easy life
• ...

While i have read all kinds of advice on 'not waiting for things to change and enjoying life in the present' and all that jazz, waiting is all that prevails.

I don't mind waiting; just that realising the the futility of it all in the ultimate certainity makes me feel even more exasperated.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock...